What do I want?

Creativity is inventing, experimenting, growing, taking risks, breaking rules, making mistakes and having fun.
~ Mary Lou Cook

I have been struggling for a while with what I really want to do. For the past 5 years I’ve worked as an importer of Chinese herbs, a caterer, promotional employee and receptionist and I can’t quite find my way in all these jobs. There was even a time that I was a software engineer and I have owned a restaurant. I can’t say my life is boring. But non of these professions gave me satisfaction. I just can’t find peace at any of them. I started to wonder why.

I took a pause and asked myself, what is it that I really want? The answer was quite clear: I want to be a screenwriter and filmmaker! I’ve always knew but I I’ve never told the world.

The reason I have not told the world earlier about my dreams is because Fear and Ego were controlling over me. I was scared that people will laugh at me and think I’m silly. And then Ego will tag along with Fear   and tell me I have no talent. A little voice in my head keeps screaming at me that I’m better off doing something else than to pursue my dream. It’s very annoying! Fear and Ego dominated my life for a very long time. It caused me to gave up my dream once. I won’t let it happen again.

So, now I’m yelling it to the world: I WANT TO BE A SCREENWRITER AND FILMMAKER!

I’ve always wanted to work in the film industry. Once upon a time I’ve even taken acting classes. But due to circumstances I did not persevere. Deep down that dream didn’t fade away. It’s like an itch underneath my skin that I have ignored for too long. And now it has turned into a wound. The wound is open and it has to be healed. It can only heal if I nourish it and be gentle to it and use the right medication.

Three years back I started to write my first screenplay. It took me six months to finish it. All the scenes were so vivid in my head and I just wrote them all down. I know it’s not a masterpiece, but at least I can put my name on a finished screenplay. And maybe it will never (well, never say never…) get produced, it gave me satisfaction creating it. It made me feel alive, it charged me up and pumped me full of energy. I’ve used the energy to write more stories and now my name is on two other screenplays too. That’s the power of creativity! It provided me the right medication to heal my wound and the best weapon to fight against Fear and Ego.

My next goal is to start a vlog channel on Youtube. I’m preparing for it and I’m watching (and learning from) successful Youtubers to see how they do it. One of them is Peter McKinnon. This guy is so funny and full of energy and he has soo much fun doing what he does. It just makes you happy watching him. In one of his latest episodes he gave tips to his audience on how to start a vlog! That can’t be a coincidence! Just as I need the courage and support soo much, this guy decides to make a vlog about how to vlog! It’s amazing!

And there is another photographer called Sean Tucker. He also has his own vlog and it’s quite artistic. He is all different from Peter, but his channel is even fun to watch. Sean is more timid and shy where as Peter is all funny and active. And they both have their own audiences. Both of them have said that the main thing about creativity is to have fun. Step out of your comfort zone and do the things you love to do. Enjoy doing it and don’t bother what other people think of it. Because you are the game changer.

So, I decide to follow the advice of these two men; have fun doing the things I love to do. Step over Fear and give Ego a punch in the face. I might take some risk walking down the road of screenwriting and filmmaking, make mistakes, even fall down a few times, but I’m sure that every time I get up again I will know more about that road and it will only bring me more fun walking on it.

Don’t think. Create!

“Don’t think. Thinking is the enemy of creativity.”
~ Ray Bradbury

From the moment I finally took action to write I’ve been teased with blocks of which I don’t know how to get rid of. What to do if you just don’t know how to go on with your writing? Well, I found out the best remedy is really to keep on writing.

Even though you think the things you write during a block might be crappy it is best not to stop. The worst thing  that can happen is just some bad text on the screen. Big deal! What’s so scary about that? The best you can get though is that you might have some real great stuff that you’re not yet aware of! And you can always rewrite everything! But if you don’t write you have nothing!

The thing about blocks is that we let our ego get to us too quickly. Ego will tell us that the things we write is not good enough. It’ll think about the logic, about order, about realistic life. But come on! Art is not logical, most of the time art is chaos and it certainly is not realistic! Writing is art!

It is still very hard to ignore that little voice in my head but I’m aware of its presence. It still gets to me most of the time. But I’ve become real good in catching it. When I’ve banned the little voice that’s the time that creativity can really flow freely. You can’t really get rid of it but you can learn how to deal with it. Just let him be. Don’t listen to it and keep up your good work!

So, please, don’t think! Thinking is really the enemy of creativity. Just let it flow, Write everything down and keep on doing it even though some little voice tells you it’s not good enough. Just write, because you can always rewrite.